It is the end of a very long and hard day. I must keep you informed but I may make some grammatical errors. I hope I make sense. I am falling asleep as I type this.
Today was a very hard day in the fight between Faith and Sight. I woke up this morning feeling very antsy. I felt in my spirit that something was going to happen today. I didn’t have any indication if it was good or bad. I got up and got dressed to go to the hospital. As I drove, I began to calm down until I got in front of the hospital. I had that sensation again. I prayed and took a deep breath. I felt whatever it was I was ready.
My first stop was the nurse’s station. The shift had changed and I didn’t know who my husband’s nurse was but I knew the respiratory therapist. She said everything went well in the night. I was then introduced to the nurse. She told be that she had taken him off the sedatives and he should be waking up. Hallelujah! Is this the source of the feelings I had. At about 12:15 things changed. His blood pressure dropped and his heart rhythm went crazy. They had to shock him to bring him back. Sight jumped up and said, “It doesn’t look good. The doctor came over to talk with me. He said what was equivalent to “It doesn’t look good.” Friends came in the afternoon. They were full of support and faith. We laughed and talked and we prayed. One of the sisters was impressed to read Psalm 41. Verses 2 and 3 specifically said the Lord would preserve and keep alive the subject of the Psalm and give him strength while he was sick. Faith fought back strong. The battle roared on all day. Later in the evening Carl coded again. The Code Blue team went into action. Then Carl came back on his own. His heart began to sufficiently pump his blood. Faith took that victory from Sight. It just occurred to me that he had never come back on his own before. God are you speaking?
This walk by faith, not by sight thing is a battle. You have moments of complete faith and strength and then you have moments where you are overpowered by what you see. I am growing in my understanding and in my warfare skills. I am trusting God to what is best. My desire is my husband restored. I go to bed tonight fighting still with my own moments of distrust and unbelief. I go to bed knowing my God has this and that I have to believe.
It is irrational, but I have decided to sleep in the peace of