March 27, 2015

Two years ago today my husband had a massively fatal heart attack. I experienced that sinking feeling that a part of me had been cut out. In the moments that passed while waiting on the paramedics a calm dispatcher help me perform CPR. When they arrived and took over I heard one say, “He is not breathing.” I asked God to take him if it was his time because I didn’t want him to linger and suffer, but if it wasn’t to heal him completely. He began to breath on his own. For me that was God’s answer that he would heal him completely. I sat in his hospital room and the first part of a Psalm kept crossing my mind. “He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. ” I decided to read Psalm 91 in its entirety and was blown away by a section that I know I had read but wasn’t impacted. It read ”

 “Because he has set his love upon Me, therefore I will deliver him; I will set him on high, because he has known My name. He shall call upon Me, and I will answer him; I will  be  with him in trouble; I will deliver him and honor him. With long life I will satisfy him, And show him My salvation.”Psalms 91:14‭-‬16 NKJV

All of the “I wills” screamed at me. For 7 months I had no evidence that he would live with a measure of quality except these promises. 

We’ve gone through several moves forward and then setbacks since then. We have learned a lot about nutrition,  pharmaceuticals, hospitals, and rehab facilities. I could probably right a book.

Most of all, we, I have learned you can’t fence God in. How and when He fulfills His promises is His business. My part in this partnership is to continue to “abide in His shadow” and to continue “to set my love on Him and know His name.”

Our journey continues.