The least

Gideon judges 6:14-15 7:9-11

I was sitting thinking about a sermon presented a few weeks ago. It was from the book of Judges about a guy named Gideon. Gideon was chosen by God to fight the enemy of His people. When Gideon was informed by the prophet, his response was, “My family is the least of families, and I am the least in my family.” There is much more to the story, but the thought of “the least” is what has captured my thoughts.

Have you ever thought of yourself as “the least?” Have you ever compared yourself to others? Did you decide you weren’t good enough based on that comparison? Well, listen to this. God loves choosing “the least” to do great things. David was the youngest son, a sherpard boy. Esther was a Hebrew girl in captivity who became Queen of Persia. Matthew was a tax collector hated by all, yet Jesus chose him. Mary Magneline was a prostitute but Jesus chose her. Peter was an uneducated fisherman. Jesus chose him, and he became a leader of the apostles. I am not great by man’s standards but He chose me. I could go on but I won’t. This is my point. God has a plan for you that will make you great for His purposes. It might not be on a grand scale. You might not even be recognized by those around you. But if you follow His plan, you will be great on His grand scale. Go in the strength you have and trust Him to give you what you need to do the job. You are not “the least” in His eyes.

Trust God to make you Great.

Beginning Anew Again

Over our 44 years of marriage we have started over several times. We changed avocations, we’ve made geographic changes and we have made dietary lifestyle changes. All of these changes caused something to begin again; Start over. In the last 3 years we have moved to a new state, moved back into apartment living and become vegans.

I am the primary caregiver for my husband. At one point I became physically challenged myself. People told me I looked and sounded tired. I couldn’t see it. When you do what you have to do you don’t think about it. I had chest pains and went to the hospital. All my test were normal. Thankfully it was just stress and I had an overnight stay and rest. That’s when I realized how tired I was. Everyone said rest but figuring out how to rest created more stress. And then Covid 19 dilema arrived. I didn’t get the virus but months of isolation caused depression to sneak in. Just what I needed, a mental health issue. Another thing to battle. I was getting a handle on that and then the Houston deep freeze. Thirty-six hours of no power and below freezing temperature just added to the stress. We stayed in bed for 30+ hours. I only arose to prepare food. Good thing we knew how to eat raw vegan. Oh yeah and to use the bathroom. You would think that was a good time to get some rest but it wasn’t. We were fully dressed in sweats and beanies under several heavy blankets. I felt buried alive but it was necessary. We were still cold. One night it was 9 degrees outside and it felt like all of that inside. So tell me how do you rest from that. I feel like I aged over this last year. My body hurt in places it hasn’t before. Recovery made it very clear that our 2nd floor living must come to an end.

The search began for a first floor, one level home. Change One. Change Two. During the pandemic I gained weight. I miss my size 12 and I plan to begin our dominantly raw vegan lifestyle again. At least that’s the plan. I know many aches and pains will be diminished or eliminated. I will see my size 12 again this year. Change Three. I am resuming my hobbies because I need the outlet. I had put them aside for a while but I have to begin again.

Back to Change One. We moved into that 1st floor home. Love it but it is taking longer to unpact because my bosy is still recovering. Change Two is proving more difficult than I thought. We are eating raw sometimes but the consistency is proving to be hard. Hence, I don’t know when I will see my size 12 but at least I haven’t gained more. Hobbies are still on hold.

Still beginning again but still moving forward. We have begun again and it is exciting. Always new. Beginning again brings new and exciting experiences.

Well, here I am two months after the move. I have spent the time trying to get adjusted: unpacking and organizing. I have not completely gone raw vegan or begun my hobbies but I am moving in that direction. My mental health has improved thanks to my kids and grandkids. They have blessed us immeasureably. I have so much for which to be thankful. So inspite of quarantine, deep freeze and body pain beginning again has been a blessing.

Blame It On The Pandemic

Why not? I haven’t posted in quite awhile and I blame it on the pandemic. More specifically the side effects of the quarantine. I am a full time caregiver for my husband so my travels outside the home were already limited. I didn’t think it would matter that we were quarantined. I was so wrong. I suffered from the isolation depression that most other people experienced. I probably didn’t realize it as soon as others did. I woke up an realized I just did’t want to do anything that was not absolutely necessary for our survival. I felt myself getting irritable for no obvious reason. Added to that stress my husband was hospitalized from Christmas through New Years. The stress of not being able to see your loved one in the hospital is real. I was blessed with some very compassionate and helpful nurses and physician assistants. The doctors were fine but I delt with the nurses and PAs.

The last stressor experienced in this year+ was searching for a new home. Thankfully our daughters and their spouses relieved that pressure. Now I’m back to more normal stress:Unpacking and caring for my husband.

Many of my friends reported weight gain and bad eating habits were also the results of this pandemic. I just didn’t have the energy to prepare all of our meals the way raw vegans should. I succumbed to vegan processed meat substitutes and I found vegan restaurants that had curb-side pickup. I must tell you that I knew this was not good for us but I just couldn’t get it together. Today I took the first step toward getting back to more raw vegan meals. That is another post. 🙂 Hopefully in a few months I can report that we are eating healthier without processed vegan meat substitutes and have eliminated vegan fast food.

If you have experienced any of these things give yourself a break and take one step at a time to return to a new normal.

BLESSED LIVING!

NO REGRETS!

Always Some Regret

One day during my early 20s I stood in the middle of my livingroom and announced to myself that when I am old, I didn’t want to regret look back on my life and have regrets. My thoughts reminded me of Robert Frost’s poem, The Road Not Taken. That day I stood at my metaphorical fork in the road. Do I take that path or the other one. I look back on my life now and realize there will always be some regret. I do have “what if” thoughts. If I had gone down the other path, would I have been successful and satisfied in that other career. Very possibly because my hobbies bring me such joy. The down side is I most likely would not have met my husband. I would not have been a step-mother. That brought with it joy and pain. I would not have given birth to these two amazing children. I probably would not have lived the life I have led with all of its ups and downs. The life that has brought me so much joy. I would have regretted missing this. Ah, but how would I know?

I may not be able to have that long dream career but I can enjoy many aspects as my hobbies. One of them I am getting to share with my youngest grand-daughter. I have no regrets.

I realize in my new middle aged wisdom that regret is inevitable. Regardless of what you decide there will be some regret. It is a waste of time and energy wondering what was down that other path. All of the experiences on this path are profitable to make you a better, stronger, happier person. I know some of you have a very rough life and can’t imagine anything profitable coming from it. But it can. First, learn from the situation. Change what you can that is beneficial to you. You have been made strong from it. You may not realize it but you have. Second for the the things you can’t change do the best you can to work them for your benefit. The situation may not change but you will.

Accepting that no decision will create a perfect life brings a healthier state of mind. Shake off the what ifs and focus on what’s in front of you.

Enjoy the road taken.

Too, Too Much!

It’s just too, too much. Everyday we are bombarded with stressful information. Information I want to turn from but it is important to my life to know. Covid 19 cases increase, voting the primary run-off, to mask or not to mask, more police brutality, White House, the global news, . The list could go on but as you can see it’s too much for one brain to handle on a daily basis. All of that and family needs have not been addressed.

Being overwhelmed in this confined space on the daily can lead to depression. Don’t let it get to you. Take care of your mental health. Find a way to make the data flow less or slower. Unfortunately it is going to remain too, too much!

Just for Me

This last week I have begun preparations for my church family’s annual Daniel Fast. I already lead a plant-based dietary lifestyle. So, what to do? I decided to go back to raw vegan meals, especially a week of smoothies.

Along with thoughts about food, I looked at my life this year. What would I change? What would I add? My assessment continually asked “But what have you done just for you?” I heard all my children’s voices asking, Mom what did you do for you?

I realize I have a difficult time to do for me. So I’ve decided to do more just for me in 2020. I now have to figure out what that looks like.

Any thoughts?

Step Back, Balance

Lying in bed this morning I looked back over my life. I do that sometimes to remind myself of the good things and the good times I have experienced. In the midst of those thoughts something unexpected happened. The thought came “Why just the good things. What about the bad things?”Now why would I want to do that? To learn. So I did.

It is said your behavior follows your thinking. I now see oftentimes your thinking follows your feelings and ignores facts. I discovered most of my bad decisions were made during a time of or were motivated by emotional pain. I really never looked at it like that but after some analysis it proved to be true. This was and is not wise. When you are hurting, it is likely you will only see the negative circumstances and the negative options. The flip side is also true. If you are on an emotonal high it is likely you will only see the good options. The lesson I learned for me this morning is

Remember to calm down, step back, get an emotional balance along with the facts and then

make your decision.

Black Soil Living

Oftentimes a change in direction or purpose is accompanied by a name change. This season in my life is no different. I am still interested in health and wellness for mind, body and spirit.

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Unloved

She stood on the street corner in her skimpy clothes, waiting. Waiting for that person to give her a moments attention. Waiting. Ah, yes. We knew who and what she was. Why did she choose this lifestyle? Why doesn’t she get a good job? Why is she selling herself? Girl, put on some clothes and get off the block.

He hangs around bars and gyms, waiting. Waiting for that person to notice him or accept his advances. Thoughts of “Am I buff enough?”, “Am I soft enough?”, “Am  I enough?” running through his head. The viewing public only sees a sleazy, annoying, lying creep. “Move on” expressed in their looks of contempt.

We make these judgments based on what we see. But, could we be wrong? I know there are those of “low, moral character.” But, sometimes, the reasons are not so clear.

Could these choices or behaviors be outward expressions of  the inner emotions of feeling unloved?

We have all done some pretty dumb things when we believed no one loved us. Some of us end up in situations because seeking that love made us vulnerable to those who took advantage of our need.  I know there are many reasons people turn to prostitution, drug addiction, etc. I believe the root of them all is feeling or being unloved.

Looking through the eyes of Y’shua, my thoughts should be of giving a kind word not contempt. Sometimes, a listening ear is all that is needed. If I choose a smile rather than a frown or look of condemnation, just maybe that person would feel a moment of value, a moment of love.

Remember when you felt Unloved.

 

If I Had Known …

Donald Lawrence said there was a King (Queen) in me.

I wish I had known.

I went to church every Sunday as a child.

I attended Sunday School.

I was a faithful youth usher, choir member

And everything else youth were involved in.

I had no choice.

Daddy made sure of that.

I celebrated your birth

I learned that you gave your life for me.

You loved me that much.

I learned that you’re powerful

After all, you rose from the dead.

I learned you were righteous and

Required my best behavior.

And I tried.

I learned how important you should be to me

BUT if I had known

Just how much you cared

About everyday, mundane things in my life.

I would have consulted you about my college and career choices,

who I dated, where I lived.

Heck, How I felt during those confusing teenage years.

Maybe my self perception would have been better.

What other’s thought would have had less influence.

Maybe I would have realized dark chocolate was beautiful.

I mattered to you during that painful transition from childhood to adulthood.

If I had known what your loving me really meant,

Maybe, just maybe I would have made better decisions.

Maybe, just maybe I would have lived like who YOU positioned me to be.

Maybe, just maybe I would have known there was a QUEEN in me.